The Wall
While the process of learning a second language may come
easy for some, it can be a great challenge for others. As someone who has been
learning Chinese for nearly five years, I can say it has not come easy for me.
There have been moments in the process that have made me question my ability to
learn, or my overall desire to continue studying the language. I have referred
to my own doubts as “the wall.” And I have found that once you recognize what
your wall is, you will be better prepared to overcome it.
Most often our frustrations and doubts are the result of
comparison. It is likely that you know someone who fluently speaks two or three
languages. Or perhaps, you know someone who mastered Chinese in only a couple
years. And I am confident we have all seen books, or online training courses
that boast fluency in just six months! When I first began learning Chinese I
was determined to realize the same success. When six months, and then a couple
years had passed and I had yet to achieve anything beyond an intermediate speaking
and reading level, I grew increasingly discouraged. Why was I struggling so
much when others seemed to be doing so well? Slowly my insecurities began to
take over. I was afraid to practice speaking in front of others, afraid they
would judge me for my limited vocabulary and poor grammar. This fear and my
concern with what others thought of me and my abilities grew, and as it did it
began to undercut my learning.
I wish I could tell you this is something that is easy to
overcome, but it is not. If you have experienced this yourself, I am sure you
understand. Self-consciousness can keep you from utilizing the resources around
you meant to promote learning, or make you pass up unique academic or
professional opportunities simply because you do not think you have what it
takes. My self-doubt prevented me from speaking Chinese with my classmates and
other international students. It kept me from registering for courses that
utilized primary resources in Chinese. While I was studying abroad in Taiwan
four years ago, it caused incredible nervousness when I was merely trying to
order a meal. I was absolutely terrified of conversing with anyone in Chinese.
My fear grew from a bump in the road to a daunting wall. Fortunately, I have
just now made it to the other side of this wall.
When I decided to spend the summer in Taipei studying
Chinese, I told myself this was for me. I was taking this opportunity to
improve myself and nobody else. Personal improvement is just that, PERSONAL!
You cannot and should not measure your success or growth by anyone else’s
standards. Everyone learns differently and at a different pace. Whether it
takes you months or years to learn a language, be proud of yourself. Always be
confident in your dreams, even when you are not confident in yourself. The
growth I have experienced in the past month is more than I have had in the year
prior, proof that when you commit to yourself and your goals, you can overcome
all of the irrational yet intimidating insecurities that have ever held you
back.
So, go forth! Make mistakes, but choose to learn from them
rather than be discouraged by them. We all stumble and sometimes it takes us a
while to get back up, but I promise you will make it over the wall!
加油！
Katelyn DeNap
George Washington University - Elliott School of International Affairs
M.A. Security Policy Studies
Organization of Asian Studies – Vice President
Sigur Center 2017 Asian Language Fellow
National Taiwan University - International Chinese Language Program, Taiwan
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